I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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