She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
