what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
