I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
