p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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