Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
