Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
