Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
