how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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