hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
