so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
