Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
