Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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