Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
