the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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