I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
