btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
