after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
