No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
