How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There's even glitter on my cock...
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