Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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