I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
