When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
