The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
