you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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