end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
