Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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