she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
