I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
