i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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