At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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