in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's get the cat blown out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
