My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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