I think I am morally bankrupt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
