they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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