I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
