so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's never too late to be topless.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
