Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
