My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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