It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
