question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
