i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
