They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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