I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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