My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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