I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk is not a location!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
