i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
