then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
