didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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