Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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