How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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