I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
