do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
