Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
