I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
