My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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