everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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