dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
