I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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