just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
