i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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