So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
