All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The air was thick with penises
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
