3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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