Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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