What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
