just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize