I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
