1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
